What to do next?
by Lu78
Summary: I have no idea where this came from but it will be longer than this. it's only a first chapter. Josh and Donna suffer a devastating blow. What to do next? Completely AU
1. Chapter 1

"Josh!" The scream came from the small office in between the Press Secretary and the Deputy Chief of Staff.

CJ ran in and immediately called to one of the interns. "Call 911 now and page Josh on the hill." She said quickly before disappearing back into the office.

Josh was sitting, bored, in the meeting he was attending on the hill. His pager vibrated on the waistband of the grey pants he wore. Glancing at the screen it took him a minute to register what it said. '911 – Get to GW now!'

"Excuse me Senator Glass, I have to run. I have an emergency." Josh said as he grabbed the notes off the table and stuffed them into his backpack. Pulling his suit jacket from the back of his chair, he slid his arms into it as he grabbed the backpack and headed for the door. "I'll have my assistant re-arrange this meeting."

"Certainly josh. Hope everything is all right." The elderly Senator commented.

"So do I sir, so do I." Josh replied as he ran from the room.

Arriving at GW, he stopped before entering the door. He still couldn't walk across the divide without thinking of the night Donna had and then watched her world crumble at the thought of him dying. He had almost died in this hospital, but whatever the emergency was right now he needed to be there.

Inside the door Carol was waiting for him. "Josh, CJ told me fifth floor. That's where I've to send you." She seemed very jittery, unsure of what she should be doing in the situation, considering she didn't really know what was going on.

"Thanks Carol." He said handing her his backpack before he headed towards the elevators. All he could think was Fifth Floor – Maternity. Wasn't it too early? Those were the thoughts that kept him going in the painstakingly slow elevator ride.

"Excuse me can someone show me where I can find either CJ Cregg or my wife Donna Lyman?" Josh asked at the nurse's station.

"Mr Lyman, if you'd like to follow me I'll show you to your wife's room." A young nurse with a solemn face walked down the hall, indicating for Josh to follow. Outside of one of the rooms a doctor stood shaking his head. "Dr Charles, this is Mr Lyman."

"Mr Lyman, I am so sorry." The doctor started.

Josh raised his hand to stop the doctor from going any further. "Sorry about what? What's going on?"

"I'm sorry I thought you had been appraised of the situation. Your wife came in with severe cramping and significant bleeding. My Lyman your wife miscarried the baby." The doctor had such a sympathetic look on his face.

"What do you mean, miscarried, she was seven and a half months pregnant." Josh couldn't wrap his mind around what he was being told.

"It's what we class as a late term miscarriage. We are not sure as to what causes it to happen. Sometimes it's high blood pressure, stress a number of other factors, but we can't be sure." The doctor tried to explain the best he could.

Josh took a minute before asking. "How is she?"

"She's doing all right. Physically she will recover quickly. She is young and healthy. Emotionally maybe something different. Different women cope in different ways. You just have to watch out for signs of depression and such likes."

"Oh we know them, so I wouldn't worry about that." Josh told the doctor. It was true; the Lyman family certainly knew the signs of depression and other related disorders. "Can I go in a see her?"

"Of course. Your friend Ms Cregg is with her just now. I didn't want her to be on her own. She's been through a lot this afternoon."

"Thank you doctor." Josh said, shaking the elder man's hand.


	2. Chapter 2

Entering the darken hospital room Josh first noticed his wife, or what he presumed was his wife. There was a lump on the bed under the covers. She looked to be curled in a ball, facing away from him. All her wanted to do was go and take her into his arms and tell her everything was going to be all right.

Sitting in a chair by the window, he spotted CJ. She stood, walked to him and wrapped her arms around him. "I am so sorry Josh."

"Please don't CJ. I just can't take it in right now. I am so glad you were there for her though." He glanced over to his wife. Her eyes were closed. "How is she?"

"She's been asleep since they brought her back in. Before she went into surgery all she wanted was you." CJ's eyes filled with tears that she had been trying to keep inside for such a long time.

"Thanks for everything CJ." He told his best friend, whom he thought of as his sister.

She took this as the indication that she should leave. She understood, the couple needed their privacy. Upon exiting the room, she finally allowed the tears to fall. She was only aware she was still crying when she felt the hand on her shoulder. Looking up she came face to face with Toby. Falling into his arms she cried again. He didn't even need to ask what had happened, if CJ was this upset, he had an idea what had happened.

Inside the room, Josh had pulled the chair up to the side of the bed. He pushed and errant strand of hair from her face before sitting and taking her hand in his. She began to stir at the touch of his skin. Opening her eyes she came face to face with her husband and at that the floodgates opened. "I am so sorry." She whimpered.

"Hey, no. Donna this isn't your fault. Please angel, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault." Josh told her, moving the hair that had fallen in her face again. "Can I?" He asked indicating to the bed. She nodded and shifted to the side, allowing him to climb onto the bed and wrap her into his arms. They both wept for their lost child.

Back outside the room, CJ had finally managed to calm herself down. "Toby why do these things happen?" She asked.

"I don't know, I honestly don't know." He said shaking his head. He just couldn't imagine the pain his two best friends were going through. He could hear commotion coming up the corridor. Turning he watched as two men in dark suits appeared and the First Lady entered the corridor just behind them.

Abby Bartlett was a woman to be reckoned with. She wouldn't let anyone push her around. Especially the doctors and nurses in George Washington Hospital. Walking up the corridor she spotted CJ and Toby standing outside a room. Just by looking at CJ she knew whatever the news was, it wasn't good. "What happened?" She asked.

CJ finally found her voice and began to tell the First Lady what had happened. "Donna had severe cramping and bleeding earlier this afternoon. We brought her straight here. Josh was on a meeting in the hill."

"I take it the news isn't good?" Abby asked.

"No ma'am. Donna suffered what they call a late term miscarriage." CJ managed to say before her tears began again. Toby wrapped his arm back around her again.

"Poor girl. How is she doing?"

"I'm not sure. She's been sleeping since she came back from surgery. Josh is in with her now."

"Okay, I am going to pop my head in for a minute and then you guys can get a lift back with us." Abby told then two. "They need time on their own. They'll need us more later in the week."

"Okay ma'am." Toby replied as she walked into the room.

The room was still in partial darkness when Abby Bartlett walked in. Josh was no longer by her bedside as CJ had thought, but on the bed beside his wife. Dried tear tracks shone brightly on both faces. They pain in both faces was evident. Feeling like their mother she wanted to wrap them up and take care of them. Josh stirred. He saw who was in the room and attempted to disentangle himself from Donna's embrace. Abby shook her head and motioned for him to stay where he was. She walked to the side of he bed and gave him a kiss on his forehead before doing the same for Donna. "Take care of her Josh. She's going to need you." She told him as she ran her hand down Donna's silken hair. "You know where to find me if you need to talk."

"Thanks ma'am." He whispered, before she disappeared from the room. The moonlight was beginning to stream in through the window. He glanced down to his wife who slept in his arms. Sending up a silent prayer for them both, he only hoped they could get through this.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week since it had happened and Donna was going back to work. She hated the feeling of being an invalid. Okay she was having a tough time, but she was coping the only way she knew how and that was to go back to work. "Donna you don't have to." Josh told her.

"I know Josh, but I have to. I am going stir crazy in this house. I need out and there is stuff I could be doing in the office. Please don't be mad that I want to go back." She said to him with big eyes.

He looked at her and realised just how determined she was. "I'm not mad sweetheart, I just don't want you overdoing it."

"I promise I won't. I'll even come home early today just to prove it to you. I just need to get out of here." She told him.

Josh knew what she meant. The night after it had happened Josh came home from the hospital and went straight into the room they had started decorating as the nursery. They had so much stuff for their unborn child; he wasn't sure what to do with it all. That room stayed shut, no one had entered since.

In the White House everyone seemed shocked to see Donna walking through the door and heading straight for her office. Most people knew what had happened the week previous and felt so sorry for the couple that had so desperately wanted the child she had been carrying.

CJ walked up to Josh. "What's Donna doing here?" She asked, herself shocked to see her best friend.

"She wants to be here CJ and I can't stop her. You know what she's like. I just can't say no to her as much as I tried. She is a determined piece of work." Josh said trying to make light of the situation. "She feels she needs to do something so she isn't dwelling in what could have been."

"Okay. I get it." She answered him, not really getting it. "I'll go easy on her."

"She doesn't want that CJ, she just wants to be normal. Can you try and let people know that?"

"Yeah I will. See you at staff in ten." CJ reminded him before she headed back to her office but not before popping her head in Donna's door. "Hey you. You ready for the day ahead."

CJ had startled Donna a little, who had jumped at the sound of the voice in her doorway. She had been busy staring at the spot on the floor she knew had been cleaned. "Yeah." She answered in her usual bright and breezy way. "When's staff today?" She felt a little out of the loop.

"Ten minutes. See you there, I've got to go and collect something from Leo before we head to the meeting." CJ told her before disappearing leaving Donna on her own again.

It was only then did Donna remember she still hadn't said thank you to CJ for everything she had done the week before for her. She would do it at some point during the day.

Charlie ushered them all into the Oval Office where the President sat awaiting their arrival. He had already been alerted to the fact Donna was here. "Morning all." He said in his usual tone. Turning he watched Donna walk into the room. "Donna it's wonderful to see you."

Donna smiled slightly. "Thank you Mr President and thank you for the beautiful flowers you sent. Were they from the Rose Garden?"

He smiled at the memory. "Yes they were, hand picked by myself and Zoey." He paused as he saw the tears gather in her eyes. "Okay now on with business."

The meeting had been going for almost half an hour when Charlie interrupted them with a strange look on his face. "Sir you and your staff have a visitor."

"Charlie, who is it?" The President asked.

"Hey all." Sam's head peered round the doorframe.

"Sam." The President stood and embraced his prodigal son. "What brings you here?"

Everyone looked happy to see Sam. Josh looked to his wife and noticed she had smiled briefly before returning to her face of no emotion. "Well we were in town and thought what better way to see you all than here at Senior Staff." Sam glanced around the room and smiled at his friends. They looked happy to see him but there was another look in their eyes that he didn't quite catch.

"We?" The President inquired.

"Yeah, there is someone I'd like you to meet." Sam turned to the doorway and waved the person in. Ainsley Hayes walked in the door with a blue bundle in her arms. "Ainsley and I thought we'd better introduce you to our son. Joshua James Seaborn."

Everyone looked shocked. Poor Sam, he didn't know what had happened only the week previous. Josh and CJ turned to where Donna sat. She smiled trying to abate the tears that were forming in her eyes. The President embraced Ainsley and told her how wonderful it was that Joshua was with them. He, himself, then turned to see Donna standing from her position on the sofa.

"Mr President, if you will excuse me, I have that meeting with MSNBC in ten minutes." She said, obviously lying. But the President understood. As she walked passed him he gently laid his hand on her arm. She smiled a watery smile down to him. She cautiously walked up to Sam. "It's great to see you Sam." She said, her voice beginning to betray her. "Ainsley, you've got a little heartbreaker on your hands." She said quickly before almost running from the room.

The atmosphere in the room seemed to grow thick. Sam didn't know what he had walked into. Josh looked down at his hands before turning to CJ. "Where?"

"Either her office or the Ladies toilets down stairs." CJ replied, knowing what he was asking.

"Thanks." He answered before excusing himself from the room.

"Guys what's going on?" Sam finally asked.

"Come and sit down." The President told him. "You'll find out sooner or later and it's best it comes from us."

Sam and Ainsley sat down on the sofa Josh and Donna had vacated. "So what's going on? It's like someone died in here."

"Well Sam, it's kind of like that." Toby spoke up. "If you had arrived about eight days ago, you would have seen us at a happier time. Sam up until a week ago Donna was seven and a half months pregnant. She suffered a late term miscarriage last week and this was her first day back at work."

"Oh God!" Ainsley whispered. "And here's me with our new baby."

"Ainsley you weren't to know?" CJ spoke up.

"I didn't even know she was pregnant." Sam said.

"We didn't know you guys were either. Proves we don't keep in touch as well as we used to does it." Toby commented.

"You are so right." Sam said, dropping his head into his hands. He felt so bad. He only hoped he could make it up to his friends.

A.N – Now I forgot to mention earlier in this story that because Josh and Donna are married she had to get a new job in the White House. She is now, well in my story anyway, Deputy Press Secretary. Also in my story the Deputy Press Secretary gets to go to Senior Staff. Hope that clears things up for you.

Thanks for all the encouraging reviews. It's been great


	4. Chapter 4

A.N – Sorry it took so long for me to update this. Life kind of got in the way a little. Anyway hope you remember it.

After not finding his wife in any of the places CJ said she would be Josh headed home. Opening the door to their home he could hear the primal scream coming from the living room. A trail of destruction led him to where his wife was throwing things around. Her face was beet red, tears streamed from her eyes and her arms flailed as she threw the pillow she had in her hand, at the wall. It was only then did she spot her husband standing in the doorway. "Why!" She cried at him. "Why us?"

He rushed to her side, taking her into his arms as they fell to the floor. "I don't know sweetheart, I just don't know." He tried to explain, but he, too was in the dark as to why it had happened.

"Why do they get to be happy and we don't?" Tears coursed down her cheeks as they rocked each other.

"We will get the chance darling, don't give up." He told her, softly kissing her head as his tears dripped into her hair. He managed to get her up as they moved to the sofa. His back could take no more of the floor. She lay down on the sofa, her head in his lap. Softly he stroked her hair, soothing her into a much-needed nap. He knew she hadn't been sleeping at night, much like himself. She had been punishing herself in a way he didn't know how to rectify.

He too had slipped into a sleep, which he hadn't realised until he heard the knock at the front door. Managing to slip from his wife's grasp, she snuggled down on the sofa, letting her arm fall from the side. Walking to the front door he swiped his hand across his face. Before opening the door he took a quick look in the mirror that graced the coat rack. He looked terrible. And didn't feel much better once he had opened the door, for on the other side he found Sam standing. He didn't open the door the whole way because he didn't feel up to talking to Sam. "Hey." He managed to say.

Sam glanced over Josh's shoulder and saw the trail of destruction and could only guess what had happened. "Hey, I was going to ask how you were but I don't have to ask. Josh I want to apologise to you and Donna for what happened this morning." Sam sounded so apologetic.

"Sam you weren't to know what happened. Don't worry about it." Josh said half-heartedly. "Honestly, we will get over it, it may take time, but we will get there."

"I know, can I apologise to Donna as well? I'd really like to see her." Sam asked, with a forlorn look in his eyes.

"She's sleeping right now Sam. And I don't want to wake her. We've been through too much and she hasn't been sleeping." Josh said. He just wanted to close the door on Sam and curl back up beside his wife.

"Okay, can you tell her I came by and I am sorry for any upset I cause this morning?" Sam said, taking the hint that Josh didn't want to talk.

"Yeah, Sam it's great to see you and congratulations on little Joshua, but you can understand why we aren't jumping hoops for you."

"Yeah I can. You take care and give Donna a hug from me." Sam said before walking back down the stairs.

Josh walked back to the sofa, finding his wife in the same position as he had left her. Lifting her head and sliding in beside her his eyes closed and he fell back asleep again, dreaming of what could have been.

Neither of them heard the front door being opened by a key. Or the footsteps that led Rachel Lyman into their house. It was her first chance to get up from Florida since the tragedy of the week previous. She walked to the door of the living room and saw her children asleep on the sofa. Seeing their red-rimmed, puffy eyes, she thought best to leave them.

She started cleaning the destruction around her, guessing Donna had caused most of it. She couldn't even begin to think how her daughter-in-law as coping with what had happened to her. Yes Rachel had lost a child, but not in the way Donna had. Rachel had ten good years with Joanie. It was tragic how Joanie left the, but the way Donna had suffered, no woman should have to deal with it.

Donna started to come too; she could hear someone in her house. She could also see her mess from earlier had been cleaned. She had an idea of who was in her home, but went to find her. Walking through the house, she stopped when she realised what room door was open. The room neither she nor Josh had entered since before it had happened. Taking slow steps before reaching the doorway, she saw her mother-in-law standing by the crib fingering the blanket Donna had embroidered with their son's initials. "He was to be named Noah Josiah Lyman." Her voice startled Rachel from the daydream she had been in.

"Oh Donna." Rachel said as her daughter-in-law approached her. She watched as Donna lifted the blanket.

"He'll never get to sleep in it." And with that the floodgates opened again. Rachel was there to catch her this time. Donna collapsed on Rachel's shoulder and sobbed her heart out again. "Why did it happen? Why did I loose my baby boy?"

"I only wish I had the answers for you my girl." Rachel soothed. "Just know that no matter how much time passes, things will get better, you will never forget him, but it will get better."

"Promise?" Donna looked into Rachel's eyes, tears shimmering back at her.

"Promise." Rachel said wrapping her back into her arms again.


	5. Chapter 5

Eighteen Months Later

Josh ran in GW, looking around for anyone he knew. Carol stood in roughly the same position as she had been in the last time he was in the hospital. "Where?" He asked, knowing what the answer was going to be.

"Fifth floor." Carol said with just a hint of a smile on her face.

Taking the familiar route to the fifth floor he stopped when he saw CJ standing outside on of the room. "CJ, what happened?" He could see the tears in her eyes.

"I'd better let your wife tell you that." She said before one tear escarped from her eye and made it's way down her cheek.

Cautiously Josh opened the door to the room. Donna lay on the bed, apparently asleep but when she heard the door open she opened her eyes and smiled to him. "Hey you." He whispered, not noticing his mother in the corner of the room. "What happened this time?"

"She decided she couldn't wait for her father to get here." His mother's voice startled him.

Josh turned from Donna to where his mother stood from the chair she had been sitting in. "Oh my!" Was all he could say. He looked into the little bundle wrapped in his mother's arms and grinned.

"Joshua, I'd like to introduce you to your beautiful baby girl." Rachel told him as she passed the tiny baby into his arms. Donna levered herself up in the bed so she could position herself behind him.

"Donna she is beautiful." Josh looked from his daughter to his wife. The look of sheer joy and exhaustion was evident on her face. "What happened?"

"She came like a little freight train. Nothing was stopping her." Donna smiled.

"Just like her mommy then, always in a rush to get everywhere." That comment made everyone laugh. "I can't believe that I missed it though."

"Don't worry, it's all on tape." Rachel told him. "Couldn't let you miss the birth of such a beautiful baby now could I?"

"Mom, you are a star."

"No I think the star is in your arms right now." She smiled at her son. Leaning over to kiss her daughter-in-laws forehead. "You did good my girl. Thank you for my granddaughter."

"Thank you for being here." Donna wearily said before Rachel let her go. Rachel kissed her son and her granddaughter before leaving the new family all alone. "Josh what are we going to call her?"

Names hadn't been discussed after everything that had happened the last time. "I only have one name on my list but you may think it's a little corny?"

"What is it?" Donna asked.

"How does Madison Abigail Lyman sound? Maddie for short." Josh said looking down to his daughter, making funny faces at her. Her beautiful blue eyes shone back at him.

"I like it." Donna smiled, knowing why he had picked that name. He once told her that if it weren't for Madison Wisconsin, she wouldn't be in his life and how true was that.

There was a knock on the door and the First Lady popped her head around. "You up for visitors?" She asked before entering the room with one of her secret service agents behind her. "Donna, you looking amazing. No one would have known you have only just given birth. Now Josh, let me see this little one."

Josh handed his daughter over to the First Lady and took the opportunity to take his wife into his arms. Whispering his I love you's into her ear before turning his attention back to Mrs Bartlett and his daughter.

"She is beautiful. Going to be a little heartbreaker, I can tell." Mrs Bartlett told them.

"Not for a while yet I hope." Josh laughed.

"So does she have a name? You know Jed, he is desperate to know."

"Madison Abigail Lyman." Donna announced, liking how her daughters name just seem to roll off her tongue.

"I am truly honoured." Mrs Bartlett turned to them and said. "Are you sire you want to name her after me?"

"Couldn't think of a better person." Josh told her as he took his daughter back into his arms.

"Well I'll leave you alone now and let you get acquainted and I'll come by and see you again soon."

"Thank you Mrs Bartlett." Donna said sleepily.

"Please, it's Abby." She smiled before leaving them alone.

Twenty minutes later Rachel Lyman walked back into the room of her daughter-in-law and smiled. Josh lay on the bed beside his wife with their daughter in his arms. All three were fast asleep. What a beautiful picture it was? If only Noah had lived they would have been the perfect little family. She had promised Donna life would get better and she hoped that for now it was.

A.N – Sorry it took so long to update, what with Christmas and everything it kind of got away from me. This was the last chapter. A little shorter than I normally wrote but couldn't think of anywhere else to take it. Hope you liked it and thank you for sticking with me. I enjoyed writing it, even if the subject matter was a little hard. Thanks again.


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